Interesting Twist...

I often marvel at the intricate ways that God weaves His plan in our lives and as I ponder the details I am always amazed at His precision, especially in the timing of events.  Let me elaborate.  The day before my last post was the Feast of the Assumption of Mary, August 15th.  This was a very important day for our family as we had spent the previous 40 days preparing to make our family consecration to Jesus through Mary, which we began on July 13th.  At Mass that evening of the Assumption we fulfilled the prayer requirements for making the consecration after we received the Eucharist and went home very elated and sure that this act of devotion would bring great graces into our family this year.

Two days later we learned that all of our home study papers and our photo books had been turned into the adoption agency and we were now fully qualified as adoptive parents to receive the child God had planned for us.  We had also learned with much gratitude to God that an adoption assistance agency had agreed to pay the remaining cost of our adoption fees at the time of placement.  It had been a summer of intense prayer and preparation and now it was all wrapped up, every item crossed off the list, all provided for; now just the wait to be chosen.  Waiting for the conception of this special child was what we were praying for grace to do well. Little did we know but that very week the next child that God had planned for our family had already been conceived, and most likely on the Feast of the Assumption.  That precious child was already growing inside it's birth mother's womb. 

About 2 weeks later I was in prayer asking the Lord what I should intercede for and as clear as a bell came the words - "Pray for your son."  It caught me a little by surprise but I had no doubt that the Lord had just spoken and so I immediately started to pray for this little baby boy - wherever he was, for the comfort of his birth mother, that he would be safe and protected in her womb, that he would be loved and be born and experience the wonder of God's creation and be a blessing to our family.

"So," I hear you ask, "When did you receive the call that a birth mother had chosen you to adopt her son?"  Well, we didn't receive that call in the traditional way but a few days later it became clear that GOD had CALLED me to be THE birth mother as we realized for the second time this year He was blessing us with another pregnancy!!

We rejoice in His tremendous faithfulness and goodness to us as we approach week 16 of pregnancy.  In the last 3 years we have not made it past 9 weeks and although it can be tempting to fear and doubt, we feel our consecration to Jesus through Mary has given us a wonderful grace in this dedicated 'Year of Faith' to trust in God's kindness and His mercy and despite some of the hormonal difficulties we are experiencing with this pregnancy that this child will join our family and faith community next May!!! Praise God - He is good - all the time!!!

So what about our plans to adopt? Well we have not closed that door yet.  We felt God lead us this way and want to make sure that we are still listening to what He wants.  In prayer we feel we should leave the door open at least until our home study is due for renewal which would be August, 2013.  If the Lord has not brought a child to us through adoption by then, then we will assume that the child I now carry is the one He had planned for us to receive.

We ask that you please carry this little babe in prayer as we proceed into the second trimester, that he will be protected from all potential harm in my womb and live to see the light of day.  St Gerard Majella, pray for us.

Step Three - The Family Photo Book

So how on earth does a birth mother/couple choose the right family into which to place her/their child?  As I looked through the selection of photo albums that were laid out for our perusal during our orientation, I was deeply pondering this question.  Such beautiful couples and families with awe-inspiring testimonies of faith and conversion all desiring to share their love with that special child.  Such creatively designed books cataloging courtship, family history, celebrations, vacations, hobbies and reasons for adoption were so touching but at the same time daunting as the thought of producing one just like them challenged me.  What will it be about our family that will touch her heart?  What will she see or read that will cause her to reach for our album from among the many that will be spread before her and say 'Yes, this is the one?' 

Honestly, I have no idea what that will be and I would never dare to try and second guess it.  We have prayerfully compiled this book over the last 5 months to represent as truthfully as we can who we are, what is important to us and what we have to offer another child.  We have devoted this project to the Holy Family and trust that the Holy Spirit will direct the whole encounter of our lives with hers.  We are excited to one day find out the answer to the question above - what was it that made her choose us?

Two copies of this photo book arrived at our adoption agency today to take their place among the other beautiful books of beautiful families. It makes me shudder to think about the process that lies ahead for the birth mother who because of her immense love for her baby will give him up into our care because of something contained in that book.

Step Two - The Home Study

In order to be eligible to adopt, you must successfully complete a home study.  A home study includes three to four interview sessions between you/your family and a caseworker.  We found ourselves so fortunate to be working with a beautiful Christian caseworker, who melted the hearts of our children and made the whole experience such a pleasure.  Because we are quite a distance from the adoption agency they contract with our caseworker who lives in Dallas to complete home studies in our area. To cut down on the length of time to qualify she recommended that we try and cover all our interviews in just two sessions!! It would mean a lengthy interview process each time but we were happy to work this way.

Our first session took place on Saturday July 7th from 10am until 4.30pm!!  Dave and I had individual interviews done that day which covered all of our history growing up in our own birth families, our relationships with each family member both then and now, our marriage relationship and our relationship with each one of our children. Lastly we covered our relationship with the Lord and our spiritual lives.  

At the end of this time we set the next date to complete our home study which would include a joint interview with Dave and I focusing on questions related to our views on adopted children and their birth parents, how we manage our finances, our child rearing practices, ideas on discipline, how we would handle some of the deprivations that adopted children may exhibit. It would also include an individual interview with both of our girls and finally the 'walk through' of our home to make sure it was clean and safely maintained and met the fire safety code.  That date was set for August 11th.

So we had a month to get new smoke alarms installed in each bedroom, a fire extinguisher placed in the kitchen and familiarize ourselves with its use, a fire escape plan written down and practiced and a hearth gate installed to secure the fire place, carpets cleaned, medicines stored in a combination lock box and cleaning supplies locked in the garage cupboard.  The final paperwork had to be compiled to include marriage certificate, W2's, birth certificates, green card, policy pages for all insurances, TB skin tests administered and results obtained from the local health department, medical physicals for each family member and vaccination records for the girls and the cat!!!  It was a constant stream of activity and in between times we've been pouring over application papers from adoption assistance foundations to help us raise the money to pay for our child at the time of placement!!   A month like no other month has flown by and here we are Home Study behind us and now waiting to receive the official word from the agency that we have successfully qualified....

Suffering Motherhood

St. Peter Julian Eymard's Eucharistic Handbook. 

The title of mother is the fruit of suffering; God has willed it so. The title of spiritual mother can be acquired only on Calvary by the side of Mary, Mother of all men.

To obtain the Grace of salvation for her children, a mother must then accept to suffer and to suffer alone with Jesus and Mary: blessed sufferings indeed, since they beget children of God and citizens of Heaven to the life of Grace. The greater is her suffering and the more devoid she is of all natural consolation, the more a mother should rejoice in Divine Charity; for that is the sign that the hour of victory is at hand.

Happy the mother who has the wisdom of the Cross, the virtue of Jesus Crucified; all the sweetness and power of it will be hers. Let her then practice love without ceasing; let her earnestly pray for it as the surest and sublimest Grace of perfection!

Step One - Adoption Couple Orientation

In early March of this year while teaching on a Catholic SST (Spring of Service Training) at the Twin Oaks base of Youth with a Mission (YWAM) in Garden Valley TX, I witnessed the inspiring testimony of a Godly woman who shared a common history of infertility and loss through miscarriage.  One part of her testimony struck such a deep cord and from that moment I knew that God was inviting me to open my heart fully to the gift of adoption. 

This lady volunteered at 'Fatherheart,' a maternity home for young women experiencing an unwed pregnancy.  She and her husband had grown their family through adopting two children affectionately known as 'Fatherheart babies' by those connected to the ministry.  Fatherheart Maternity home (www.livalt.org/fatherheart.html) is one part of the 'Living Alternatives' ministry which also includes a crisis pregnancy center and 'Loving Alternative Adoption Agency.' 

After sharing our stories she asked if we were interested in adoption and if so, informed us that 'Loving Alternatives' was having their once-a-year adoption couple orientation that coming weekend. She wasn't sure what our chances would be of being accepted at such short notice, but gave us the number of the office. We promptly called and left a message that very Sunday evening.  The caseworker who responded  the next morning was a little wary and cautioned us that most couples take several months of prayer and discernment before filling out and submitting the application papers and couple questionnaire.  However, once she heard that we had been discerning for some time she accepted to have us fill out the Adoptive Couple Questionnaire, which is the preliminary step for adoption with their agency. She agreed to put it in the mail that very day.  She had to receive our completed questionnaire by that Wednesday to check us out before we could be given the green light to attend.  Needless to say we were scrambling to get it all done and faxed back to her but praise God they seemed to like us and told us we could come and bring the remaining paperwork with us to the orientation.  Well, God opened that door and we proceeded to walk through it!

Garden Valley Bible Church

The orientation was held at a small, non-denominational church nestled among the East Texas pine and oak trees.  We were among 35 couples seeking to learn about the ministry all with hopes to adopt the 3-10 infants that they place each year!  They also have a program to adopt older children and it was clear that some of the couples were also interested in doing that.  What took us by surprise during the couple's introduction session was the proportion of couples who already had biological children.  We thought we would be frowned upon, already having two beautiful children to enjoy, but God showed us that He was touching the hearts of many, already established families to welcome some of His lost children into secure and loving homes.  This gave us so much peace and confidence about our reason and decision for adopting too. 

The orientation took us through the definition of 'covenant adoption' - a process in which the adoptive couple, birth family and the agency enter into the adoption process together, creating a plan based on love, trust and promise to keep the highest interest of the child in mind throughout the growing up years.  This involves a face to face meeting before the delivery of the child and at placement.  After placement, contact between the families is maintained through letters, pictures and gifts that are monitored by the agency.  The Biblical principles for this type of adoption process were outlined and the nitty gritty of fees and timelines were presented.  

In the afternoon we heard testimonies from an adoptive couple who had adopted all three of their children through the agency, we even got to meet the children.  We heard from a birth mother who had been through the maternity home twice and had placed both of her daughters with the same family. It was through her stories that we truly came to appreciate the painful sacrifice it is to surrender your child into the arms of another. Finally we heard from a young man who had been adopted.  He shared about the relationship he has with his birth mother and with his parents  and siblings (who were also present and gave some wonderful advice).  It was truly a beautiful weekend and we grew more and more in love with the work of mercy this agency performs in their ministry to birth mothers and their babies.

By the end of the weekend those who wished to continue their adoption journey with the agency were asked to put their name on the Home Study waiting list.  Now began the wait to be contacted about when our Home study was likely to take place.  With only 3 full-time caseworkers available to conduct home studies and knowing we were quite a distance from Tyler, we didn't get our hopes up too high to have one done quickly.

Our Decision to Adopt

The question of whether to pursue adopting a child has been part of our family prayer and discernment since 2005.  As it appeared we were entering a  period of unexplained secondary infertility after the healthy pregnancy of our first born daughter in 2004, we began in earnest to seek God's plan for our family size.

I'd like to step back a few years when I first heard God speak to me about this journey that we now find ourselves on.  While still a lay missionary, working in Holland, about two years before meeting my husband, I found myself praising God along with a dear friend who at that moment was suffering the loss of yet another child.  She and her husband had experienced several first trimester miscarriages and there we were praising God in the midst of this trial that was all too familiar to them.  I remember returning to my room and begging God for understanding.  "Lord why is it that your faithful daughters, those who desire to live out your plan for love and marriage, desiring children are suffering in this way?"  The answer came all too clearly - "Who but my faithful daughters will pray and intercede?" I understood that this was a burden of reparation for the multitude of sins against life that God was giving to those faithful women who knew how to pray and offer it in union with Christ's sufferings.  I sheepishly responded, "Lord, I hope you don't ask this of me." 

When my husband and I conceived our first daughter three weeks into married life in early 2004, I harkened back to that conversation and breathed a huge sigh of relief - "Thank you Lord, you weren't asking that of me."  Little did I know what lay ahead.  After our first child was born that October, three years followed with no further conceptions.  Assessments on both of us brought no definitive answers.  It was a heavy cross to carry as friend after friend became pregnant and people started to inquire when our next child would be coming along. Finally, we decided to give up trying to work it out and laid our fertility in God's hands.  As we prepared to attend our first information session with Catholic Charities Adoption Services, I kept receiving in prayer the story of Abraham and Sarah.  What struck me most was that Sarah grew impatient and did not stay submitted to the Lord's timing in bringing forth their promised offspring. I knew in my heart that this was not the time to pursue adoption, although we had begun to move in that direction.  A few weeks later on Christmas Eve 2007, I discovered with great joy that I was pregnant with our second daughter. We were ecstatic and  rejoiced in another healthy pregnancy, believing that our time to carry the burden of infertility was now being lifted.

When our second daughter was only 11 months old we were happily surprised to discover we were pregnant again!!  However, within a few days of receiving a positive pregnancy test it became clear that we were experiencing our first miscarriage.  Heartbroken and confused, it was the beginning of yet another period of long-suffering.  In the next three years we would surrender four more precious souls into God's hands through first trimester miscarriages. God was asking it of me and my dear husband after all! I was left with the decision of whether I was going to be one of His faithful daughters and not only accept the suffering that He was giving me but embrace it totally, trusting that His grace is sufficient for me.  I am ashamed to admit that it took me these three years to fully embrace what I now understand to be an incredible gift. The gift of making reparation. The gift of nailing myself to the cross with Christ in order to fully experience the glory and the immeasurable grace of the resurrection.  This act of complete surrender to the action of God in our lives has allowed the joy of suffering to surface and blossom in a way that I have only read about in the lives of the saints.

In His great mercy God has begun to impress upon our hearts the true gift of adoption. When we had considered adoption before it was fueled by a selfish desire to fulfill our plan for our family but through God's great work of purification and healing the desire has now become one of generosity towards a child who may be at risk and for us to give that child the gift of our family. In March of this year, God brought us in contact with a small Christian adoption ministry in Tyler, TX. After being accepted at the eleventh hour to attend their once a year adoption orientation meeting we felt God was opening the door for us to pursue this exciting possibility of adopting one of His precious children.